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I, Frankenstein – Descend In Pain, Demon

  • Adam: “Remember, I have no soul.”
  • Gideon: “God will surely damn you.”
  • Adam: “He already did.”
  • Me: “You got 30 minutes left, come on let’s pick it up already.”

Summary

I, Frankenstein (2014) is directed by Stuart Beattie and stars Aaron Eckhart, Bill Nighy, Yvonne Strahovski, Miranda Otto, and Jai Courtney.

Adam Frankenstein still lives 200 years after his creator, Dr. Frankenstein, assembles and reanimates him.

He soon becomes entangled in a war being waged by two immortal races: Gargoyles, the supposedly traditional caretakers and safe-guarders of humanity, and demons with malicious intentions.

Frankenstein’s monster is neither human nor demon, prompting Queen Leonore, the Gargoyle queen, and demon Prince Nebarius to both seek him out and capture him for their own purposes.

It will be the responsibility of Adam to search within himself for meaning and his reason for still being alive.

Photo Credit: Lionsgate

Ridiculous Plot

This film was so unimaginably dull and repetitive for me.

Absolutely nothing about the plot and story fascinated or captured my attention in any meaningful way.

I honestly can’t begin to explain and describe to you how atrocious this thing was.

It should’ve remained buried along with Frankenstein with no one knowing about it.I genuinely felt like every second I was watching it I was being scammed of my time.

For starters, the whole story was just outright tedious and soulless, like Frankenstein’s monster, from the get go.

There were many times where I was looking around my room wondering, “Why am I forcing myself to tolerate this mental madness?”

The only good thing that I managed to spring forth to mind was to warn you guys to steer clear away from this.

The plot had no sense of any sort of meaningful substance, the characters were bland and boring to look at, and the action scenes made me sorely impatient rather than intensely focused.

Horrible Direction & Ugly CGI

The direction and story line of this film was handled incredibly poorly.

It’s like the writers and producers had this screenplay as an English Literature assignment, missed the deadline, and rushed it in some half-ass scurrying attempt.

I also couldn’t detect any sort of structure to the exposition.

There weren’t entirely any scenes that tried to form some semblance of character development with the actors and actresses.

They were all just given stiff lines mostly to explain the history of the war between the two races, Gargoyles and Demons.

Speaking of gargoyles and demons, the CGI in these creatures was laughably ridiculous.

The scenes where the gargoyles were in the air flapping their wings looked so unbelievably dumb and unrealistic I couldn’t tell whether the visual artists were actually trying to make it look decent, or actively attempting to lower the box office numbers in some vengeful, payback kind of way.

I’m not being facetious, the parts where the wing-attached creatures were gathering together mid-air like birds forming a V-shape appeared incredibly appalling.

In regards to the demons, they looked absolutely grotesque and unoriginal. They kind of had the imagery effect of slimy, watery, disgusting sea beasts.

If Poseidon was real, I imagine he’d completely eradicate these things without even hesitating.

Either that or he’d sterilize them so they wouldn’t propagate and then turn them into slaves for rebuilding Atlantis.

Lionsgate

Eckhart’s Performance

I’ll give credit to Aaron Eckhart. He authentically tried in this movie.

Personally, my favorite performance of his was in The Dark Knight as Harvey Dent/Two-Face. In this one however, the plot and story written just wasn’t sufficient for him to act it out.

He should’ve passed the script onto the next guy in my opinion.

Yvonne Strahovski also had no character development whatsoever. What baffled me the most about her performance was when she discovered of the war between the two species.

I would’ve expected her to be in abject shock at what she was being told.

In complete wonder with a new world literally opening up before her eyes.

Even just showing a hint of distress from knowing there’s supernatural beings all around her.

She doesn’t do that, what does she do instead you may ask?

Accepts it…

Yep, that’s right, she simply goes along with the plot telling her of this new world dynamic with no conflicting facial expressions.

If you consider the English Literature assignment I mentioned earlier, it actually makes sense.

The writers and director were running out of time after all and had to keep the pace going, no matter the disastrous consequences that would ensue.

When it comes to the other performances I just plain didn’t care.

I feel like they were added only to have the necessary amount of cast members to advance the story.

Everything else they did wasn’t really important, resulting in a monotonous mess.

Photo: Lakeshore Entertainment/Lionsgate

Final Thoughts

I’m not gonna lie, I became so disinterested in this film to the point where I looked for other outlets for brain stimulation while still watching.

Fortunately, I noticed my unsolved rubik’s cube on my work desk, grabbed it, and began fiddling away.

I also found my unfinished search word puzzle book hiding in my bookcase and began playing with that as well.

Mind you, this was all while the climax was happening.

That should give you enough food for thought.

To describe I, Frankenstein in one short, brief sentence I’ll do it like this:

The ending was a monologue where Aaron Eckhart narrated to himself, “I, descender of the demon horde. I, my father’s son. I, Frankenstein.”

To which I say… I, Don’t give a shit.

FP Score – Melancholy

Rating: 0.5 out of 5.

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