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The Beach Bum – Players And Playettes

What did I just watch? What was the whole point of this? To show Matthew McConaughey caress a cat? And why was there frequent nut-grabbing between the characters? This movie honestly just boggled my mind.


The Beach Bum (2019) is directed by Harmony Korine and distributed by Neon.

It stars Matthew McConaughey, Snoop Dogg, Isla Fisher, Zac Efron, and Jonah Hill.

Moondog, a warm-loving, carefree, alcoholic, stoner writer lives his life on his own terms in Florida.

He has a wife named Minnie who adores him alone for holding these qualities and traits.

An unfortunate mishap gets thrown into his life, effectively altering Moondog’s open-air lifestyle.

He then makes it a priority during this time to finish the next great American novel by putting his writing skills to work.

Nonsensical Plot & Direction

I honestly can’t come up with a single reason as to what the point and purpose of this film was.

It did nothing but bore me for such a prolonged period of time that I felt like I was actively losing brain cells.

There were so many scenes that tried to be funny, but ended up looking unbelievably ludicrous.

Just to name a few, there was one where McConaughey and Hill both grabbed each other’s groins in some macho attempt to win a friendly game of who can endure more pain.

Another showed McConaughey throw an old lady stranger in a wheelchair right into a wall.

There was absolutely no humorous effect that these kinds of scenes had on me. Practically all of them served to only make the story unbearable for me to watch.

The direction also felt like it was cheaply mismanaged and incoherent.

It felt like no structure or stability whatsoever was taken into account with the plot.

I just couldn’t identify what the basis of the scenes were due to everything being so convoluted.

Photo Credit: Neon

Senseless Writing

When it comes to the writing, it sounded absolutely atrocious.

Most of all the attempts at comedic jokes came out ridiculous and overblown.

None of it succeeded in being effective at portraying the characters in a comical way. Also, the many curse and vulgar words implemented didn’t do much to make me laugh either.

There was entirely no substance or material to provide any semblance of originality.

Everything the characters were saying and doing pretty much sounded and looked generic and common-like.

Tolerable Visuals

First of all, there’s considerable nudity somewhere around the middle to ending acts, so be ready to be bombarded with that.

Admittedly, the cinematography and imagery is pleasant to look at.

There are dazzling wide shots of fireworks placed throughout the story that do, frankly, appear visually alluring.

Nevertheless, it becomes muddled down and irrelevant due to other graphic features that make them all look poorly illustrated.

I still can’t believe the director and producers thought it was a good idea to show McConaughey and Hill snatching each other’s cajones in that god awful scene.

It wasn’t the best choice at attempted humor, to put it mildly.

There were also other scenes that consistently flashed McConaughey’s butt several times.

Why did I have to view this? This could potentially give me nightmare fuel in a weird, peculiar way.

Neon & SPK Pictures

Embarrassing Performances

I guarantee you, if it wasn’t well-known actors like McConaughey, Jonah Hill, and Zac Efron included in the cast, this film probably wouldn’t even be made to begin with.

The production studios would most likely throw it down the garbage.

Most of the performances didn’t catch my interest at all.

And for the most part, they all appeared like bland caricatures with no tiny hint of development in them.

I guess McConaughey was the only one that seldom managed to keep me attentive.

It was bad enough though how utterly bereft of meaning and depth he was given, strolling around in his neighborhood traveling aimlessly from place to place.

Final Thoughts

I wouldn’t advise taking the time to watch this if it came down to it in the end.

An hour and 30 minutes was removed from my day in a tedious, unexciting drag.

The Beach Bum was ultimately a boring, mundane, cheap attempt at comedy for me. For others however, they alternatively liked it.

To each their own, I guess.

Although I think most of us can agree on Korine’s dreaded Spring Breakers.

That one no doubt took some cumbersome twists and turns.

FP Score – Faulty

Rating: 1 out of 5.

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